Probation by Egg
by AlabrithGaiamoon
Summary: Just an idea I've been playing with. Koenma gives Hiei the ultimate form of probation: he gives him a spirit egg that he must hatch. will it eat him or can he be good?
1. Default Chapter

Hiei's spirit beast

It was a sunny cheerful day; the birds were singing, there was a sweet refreshing breeze, flowers were in bloom, and even a few rabbits were lolloping cutely through the grass out side a window. In this window, a small, black swathed figure glared hatefully at the merriment, touching the spot on his belt where his katana once was. The koorime wanted nothing more than to burn, slash, and/or crush everything in site; and he would have done it if not for the bars on the window, the wards on his wrists that restricted his yoki, and the double constrained ward strapped over the Jagan in his forehead.

He drew the black curtain over the window hotly, kicking the wall. His feet were even shackled, preventing him from taking large steps or kicking things too hard. The small gray room had a cot on one wall adjacent to the window, and across from that a sink and toilet; across from the window was a wall with a heavy, metal door with no handle on the inside. The metal door creaked open, making him want to grind his teeth. A familiar blue ogre stepped in, holding a ring of keys. "Hiei Jaganshi?"

"Who else would it be, you great blue idiot! My name is on the #ing door!" Hiei snapped. The ogre nodded and motioned for him to follow. Growling to his self, the fire yokai shuffled after him, staring at the floor. The ogre led him down many quiet halls to a large office with a desk and a wide television screen. Behind the desk sat what appeared to be a small child with a large, important-looking hat, and a bulbous pacifier. Hiei snarled in the direction of the child. "Ah, good morning Hiei, I trust you had a peaceful night's rest?" the small boy asked politely. Hiei had a few choice words for the tiny ruler of Reikai, which there is no rating high enough for discretion. The ogre standing near him blushed purple and looked mortified.

"Well, if having a potty-mouth was a crime, you would be sentenced for eternity!" Koenma said, turning red with embarrassment.

"Get to the point, toddler!" Hiei spat.

"Yes-well," Koenma cleared his throat and lugged a huge file onto his desk, nearly his equal in height, "Do you know what this is, Hiei?"

"Paper, baka."

"My patience grows thin, Hiei. Tell me what the paper _is_."

"Recyclable."

"AARG! IT'S YOUR CRIMINAL RECORD!" the prince stamped his small foot.

"I reiterate: what is your point?"

"Your most recent crime, for which you have been detained and restrained, was for attacking a musician during a concert and setting the music hall on fire, not to mention injuring several innocent ningens in the process of your escape."

"The stupid ningen singer sounded like she needed to be put out of her misery, I was merely obliging her. It isn't my fault if the shabbily clad, wailing onna hypnotized her followers with her chest to try and stop me. This 'Brittany Spears' is an evil brain-washing harpy; punish _her_!" (I don't like Brittany Spears!)

" That is the straw the broke the camels back! You are totally out of control, either in Makai, Reikai, or Ningenkai! It must stop. Locking you up and punishing you doesn't seem to be helping you reform at all, so I have devised a _different_ way to deal with you."

"Different?" Hiei said indifferently, but he could not mask his curiosity.

"I'm going to release you; ogre, free him at once!" George knelt to unlock the shackles on the yokai's ankles as Hiei gaped in shock.

"You're freeing me?"

"Yep, you may go any where you want, do what ever you want, and I won't stop you." George removed the wards on his wrists, and untied the multiple wards from his head.

"What's the catch, toddler?"

"Catch? There is no catch; I'm just going to give you a little present. Come here," Though he detested being ordered about, Hiei approached his desk out of curiosity. Koenma took off his hat, revealing a bundle balancing on top of his head. Tipping his head, he caught the object and handed it to Hiei. Replacing his hat, he watched Hiei unwrap the soft blue cloth from around a round, oblong object. "This is… an egg?"

"Not just any egg, Hiei, a _spirit_ egg."

"A _WHAT_? You mean this is going to hatch into one of those ridiculous creatures the detective has attached to his head!"

"I can't say for sure, Hiei; the shape of your spirit beast depends entirely on you. If your heart is filled with good things, then it will hatch into a peaceful creature; if your heart is filled with malice and evil, it will turn into a monster and devour your body and soul."

"What if I don't think of anything at all, or break it?"

"It will come out as a monster either way if you do that." Koenma said smugly. "I suggest you think of happy thoughts for the next month or so, and keep it safe and close to you at all times." Koenma tossed the Jaganshi his much-missed katana and a portal appeared beneath the bewildered boy's feet. "Toodle-ooh!" Hiei fell into the Ningenkai and landed in the branches of a tree, cradling the perilous orb in his arm. "Now what!" he thought miserably.


	2. Help

**SweetSnowLover:** HAH! Brittany Queers, thats awsome!

Chapter 2

Help

Hiei sat precariously on the branch, staring at the egg he had put into a hole in a tree beside him, about the size of a cantaloupe at the egg's widest end. He crossed his arms and sat as far away on the branch as possible. What he was to do, he had no earthly clue. His very lifestyle was nothing but thinking mean, manly thoughts and training to kill things. The spirit beast would surely hatch into a monster and wipe him out of existence!

He needed advice; he needed wisdom; he needed…help. No, hell no. The Almighty Hiei did not beg assistance from anyone. He needed someone he could trust...The fox! Carefully removing the egg from the tree, he wrapped it back in the blue cloth and cradled it in his arms. He flitted away as fast as he dared to go in search of Kurama. His school was closed on Saturday, he was not at the library or at his home; the only place left that young ningens could possibly congregate was the arcade. But Kurama would never go there… would he? It was worth a shot.

Hiei approached the glass double doors of the arcade and peered in. The large area was completely dark except for the neon lights of the video games casting eerie glows on the faces of teenagers drooling in stupor, having forgotten their cheap nachos or cups of soda set dangerously on top of games. It was a place of blinding lights, horrid noise, and pukalicious smells, (Yes, I said pukalicious.) not to mention the crowding elbows and lack of comfortable stools. With a shudder of pure disgust, he entered.

The darkness shielded his presence as he walked on top of the games, peering around. He saw a flash of bright red in the farthest corner. Kurama! The redhead was playing Goblin City with six other ningens. The broad keyboard, littered with buttons and joysticks, matched the huge screen. Kurama was fighting the Goblin king on the hardest setting of the game. The other six watched with anticipation as he clobbered the digital foe. Kurama narrowed his eyebrows as his hand gripped the plastic lever to deliver the final blow; the Goblin king raised his super-smash power-sword against him. Using the purple ultra-grow happy potion, Kurama's computerized counterpart grew ten times the Goblin king's size and promptly stomped his scaly butt flat. The word 'Winner!' flashed on the screen several times as the other teens cheered.

Kurama discreetly walked away from the teenagers, heading for the coin machine to rake it in again with the videogame game points. In the darkness, two bright red points illuminated in front of him. "Hiei, what are you doing in the arcade?" the redhead smiled at the sight of his friend.

"Corner, now." They squeezed past the coin machine and the snack bar to a tiny table for two. "I have a little problem, and I don't know how to … deal with it."

"What sort of problem? Are you in trouble?" that hit the nail on the head. His look of despair answered for him. "What did you do?" Hiei pointed to a newspaper, the headlines of which read: _Pyromaniac 'Spears' Brittany_! Under it was a photo of the skill-less diva being chased by a black blur with a sword. "Oh, Hiei! You didn't!"

"…"

"You did!"

"…"

"Oh dear, where you punished?"

"…"

"How?"

"…"

"Tell me Hiei," the redhead coaxed the glowering yokai, "you have to let me in if I am to help you." With a stubborn grunt, he set the swathed egg on the table. Kurama curiously pulled at one corner of the cloth and peeked in. he gasped in shock, "He didn't-!"

"…"

"He did!"

"…"

"Oh Hiei! This is awful!"

"I … don't know what to do. Koenma advised to think happy thoughts, but I … can't."

"You're gong to have to learn how. How to be good."

"But-!"

"No buts! Do you want your soul to be eaten?" Kurama waved his finger at the distressed yokai.

"_Mumble_"

"What was that?"

"No." Kurama sighed, and stood up. "We'll have to start small then; meet me in the park at 12:00 today, and don't be late now." Kurama waved and walked out of the arcade to run home and grab a few things. Hiei smacked his head repeatedly against the table, cursing.


	3. Step one

You guys! Please help me! I'm having some trouble finding funny things to write in this! I have the next chapter planned, but I'm not very good with the funny! Suggestions please?

Chapter 3

Step one

Hiei sat in a tree above the sidewalk path in the park, bobbing his foot impatiently. It was three minutes until noon. He was about to go and find Kurama when he saw him walking up the sidewalk with his backpack. Hiei jumped down to meet him. Wordlessly, Kurama led Hiei to a grassy area out of the view of strangers and other distractions. "In order to coax your normal habits to be a bit more civil," Kurama began, "we must start at the source of your obviously boundless rage towards the world; your outlook on life." They sat on the ground; Hiei held his egg in his lap almost protectively.

Removing a seed from his hair, Kurama pushed it into the soft ground, and a beautiful, but simple daisy quickly sprouted. "Tell me the first thing that comes into your mind when you see this."

"A useless plant that will only die anyway when some idiot decides to pick it and take it home to wither in a glass of mucky water." Kurama blinked at the outburst of pessimistic wisdom. "Good…(I guess) now try to think of a _good_ quality the flower has."

"The time the flower _does_ live," Hiei continued, "…it smells nice. Nicer than the smelly ningens who roam this place playing on the strange metal equipment." Hiei looked to Kurama for judgment. The redhead scratched his head thoughtfully, but in a very graceful sort of way.

"Well, it's an improvement, to say the least. You know how to recognize good traits among unfavorable ones. Lets move on," he dug in his backpack and pulled out a stack of cards with, yes you guessed it, inkblots. "These are often used in psychiatric therapy to discover a better outline of the way your mind works. Tell me what the cards remind you of when I show them to you; there are no right or wrong answers." Kurama showed Hiei a black splotch.

"It looks like… a cloud…and…noodles mixed together."

"And this one?" Kurama showed him another card.

"A little butterfly… with a dress on."

"Hmmm. How about this one?"

"It's the little butterfly again… only there is a… bird near her." Kurama noted how Hiei personified the butterfly by giving it a gender, and showed him another card.

"That one is like the last one; the butterfly is being chased by the bird."

"Next card,"

"The bird is trying to hurt the butterfly, and she's trying to get away."

"Now this one,"

"A lizard is between the butterfly and the bird; he's protecting her from the bird."

"And this?"

"The lizard is fighting with the bird; he's winning."

"Next,"

"The lizard has destroyed the bird and the butterfly is safe, but she doesn't even know who the lizard is. The lizard is a mere shadow."

"Next,"

"This lizard is feasting gloriously on sweet-snow!"

"I think we've seen enough cards." The sound of voices cam to their ears: two familiar voices. The detective and the fool…

Yusuke stepped into the small clearing the two yokai had been sitting in. "See, Kuwabara, I told you Kurama was here." He said, pointing to the kitsune. "The guys at the arcade said you totally owned at Goblin City. Why did you leave? Hey what's that, Hiei?" Yusuke asked, pointing to the swathed bundle in the koorime's arms. Hiei glared and didn't answer.

"Heh, heh, the shrimp carries around a blankie?" Kuwabara laughed his ridiculous laugh. Struggling to contain his rage, Hiei bit back an insult and growled. Kurama, sensing the fire building up, and fearing for his friend's soul's existence, stepped in.

"It's a severed head."

"What?" Kuwabara said. Yusuke raised an eyebrow.

"A severed head," Kurama continued giving a queer smile, "The smell is quite rank; unless you want to get corpse-juice on your shoes, I suggest you stay back." The two humans looked at each other, then back at Kurama, and walked away shuddering.

"Since when do you lie?" Hiei asked, raising an eyebrow.

"How do you know when I'm not?" he quipped back,"Alrightt, tomorrow will be your first lesson. Learning to get along with others; that means playing nice and no fighting."

The word 'nice' was not in his vocabulary. The egg suddenly felt too heavy to be lugging around all day. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well, my school is having a dance tomorrow, which is a Friday…"

"You mean being surrounded by those annoying ningen onnas and their stupid cheese-faced mates!"

"Not mates, potential mates. You'll never learn otherwise, Hiei."

"Kuso." Hiei slumped, holding his egg in his lap. Stupid egg. Stupid Koenma. Stupid egg. stupid ningens. Stupid egg. Kurama stood up and motioned for him to follow, "It's getting late; it would be safer for you to stay at my house, encumbered as you are. Besides, mother is quite fond of you." Hiei obediently followed, knowing Kurama always gave him the precious sweet-snow every time he stayed the night.

"Hn. Baka ningens."


	4. Is it supposed to do that?

Chapter 4

Is it _supposed_ to do that?

They used inhuman speed to get to Kurama's house, as the sun was setting and Shiori was cooking. "Mother! I've brought a friend today!" Kurama announced his presence in the kitchen. Shiori, the dark haired woman who was Kurama's mother, turned and smiled. "Oh, hello, Hiei, so nice to see you again. You and Suichi are such good friends. Suichi, take your friend to wash up; supper is almost ready. I assume you are staying the night, Hiei?" she pinned the Koorime down with her kind eyes. He nodded, staring at the floor. "What is that you have there? That's a strange shape for a bundle," she said, pointing her whisk at his shrouded egg. Hiei stared down at the parcel and lied, "Clothes and stuff." Kurama led Hiei to the bathroom, although the fire yokai knew the house inside out and backwards.

After they had eaten and helped with the dishes, Hiei sat on the bed in the guest room, the spirit egg as far away from him as possible. The lights were off, but that was not what made him stare perturbed at the elliptical orb. It was glowing from the inside. Kurama walked into the room with some towels and reached for the light switch. Hiei grabbed his hand, "Look," he pointed to the egg. Kurama turned and stared with wide eyes. "Is it supposed to do that?"

"Dunno, the brattling only gave me a few meager shreds of information about it. If it doesn't turn into a monster within a month or so and eat me, it should become something else."

"Well, if Yusuke's turned into that adorable thing called Puu, then yours may very well be just as sweet."

"Don't say that! It might hear you!" Kurama walked over to the egg and touched it curiously. The surface was smooth, like ceramic, almost glassy. The color had changed from the plain white to a dark charcoal. Though it glowed, it was icy cold.

"Hiei, I think the egg has lost some heat. Maybe you should it close to you and keep it warm like birds do to their eggs."

"I'm not touching that monstrosity any more than I have to." He said simply, crossing his arms.

"But it could die without heat!"

"Spirit eggs are different than normal eggs, how do you know if it will die?"

"How do you know it won't?"

"…Hn."

"I'm not going to tell you what to do; I'm just telling you what I think is best. Well, good night, Hiei." Kurama turned and left him after placing clean towels on the bed. Hiei glared at the door, sighed, and picked up the egg. Maybe Kurama was right, maybe he wasn't; but with a spirit egg, you don't take chances. Hiei slept that night with the egg in his arms on his stomach, so it could share his perpetual heat.

As usual, the yokai woke with the sun, drawing his katana and jumping into a battle stance at the first sound. 'Wait, what _is_ that infernal racket!' he eyed a strange object that clanged raucously. 'Die, vile contraption!' he sliced it in two halves so fast, it kept ringing for a few second before the halves fell to the ground. With the egg in one hand and his blade in the other, he examined the object. The outside was made of round metal and the inside was a mess of tiny gears and springs. Poking the remnants with his foot, he turned a piece over that had a sticker label: ACME antique alarm clock. Price: $4,000. 'Oops.'

"Hiei, what was that noise?" Kurama said blearily as he walked into the room. Hiei spun around, hiding his katana behind his back and dropping the covering of the egg over the clock. "Nothing," he quickly lied.

"Have you seen an antique alarm clock in here? Its mother's favorite clock: a family heirloom. I could have sworn it was in the guest room…"

'Oh shit.' "Hn, haven't seen it. We're wasting daylight here, baka kitsune!"

Kurama nodded shuffled out the door, "You get in the shower while I make breakfast. No use being smelly with an empty stomach." Slightly irked by the remark, he pointed the sword at him as if to strike but Kurama's back was turned. When the fox was out of sight Hiei hastily shoved the pieces of broken clock under the bed. When they both had showered and eaten, they left the Minamino residence. Kurama came across his old backpack and lent it to Hiei to carry the egg in. Hiei kept the blue cloth around it as padding to protect it.

"Where are we going?" Hiei asked, relieved the streets were relatively free of the normal bustle.

"Well, we're going to a dance tonight, right?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Well, we have to get you dressed for the occasion- get back here Hiei!" Kurama wrapped his rose-whip around Hiei's ankle as he tried to flee.

"I am not dressing up! Nor am I going to let you dress me up like some stupid-"

"Hiei! Look!" a stream of black ki was leaking out of the zipper to the backpack. Hiei nearly dropped it in an attempt to shed the parcel and draw his katana at the same time. The stream ended almost as soon as it had begun. They stood, wide-eyed, even being the seasoned yokai they were. "It reacts to anger… interesting." Kurama turned his whip back into a rose and stuck it under his hair.

"It is supposed to do that?" Hiei said, poking the bag with his sword from a safe distance.

"I suppose it does. The creature inside is formed by your thoughts and emotions, and it shows externally."

"So… now what?"

"We continue to the tailor, of course! That's what we're out here for!"

"N-!"

"Don't even try to say no; I have a rose and I will use it to get what I want, so you had better submit!" Kurama loomed up on the smaller yokai, emerald eyes flashing yellow. Hiei shrunk to a chibi-size and cowered behind the backpack. "I don't wanna!" he wined, "That tailor felt me up the last time I let you buy me clothes!"

"But those pants fit like a dream, didn't they?" Kurama changed from a scary giant to a motherly… father. Hiei shifted his feet and stretched the fabric of his pants. "Yeah…so?"

"Alrighty then! Lets get you fitted for that flamenco suit!"

"Flamingo-what!"

**Ten minutes later**

Goddamnit I hate you, Kurama.> Hiei said in telepathy. The old man that was doing his fitting was a shriveled little creature at least ninety years old, with glasses. Not just coke bottle frames either; they were like ashtrays that made his squinting eyes the size of his twitchy palms. The old man began the task of measuring Hiei's inseam; the length from the floor all the way up his inner thigh. Oh God, he's headin' north. Get off me ya' old-fucker!

Really Hiei, I don't see what the problem is.> Kurama responded in his mind, letting Hiei hear his thoughts.

You've got a perfectly normal woman fitting you, that's why! I got stuck with this lecherous prune-mutant who takes advantage of his 'field!' Hiei shivered and stepped off the stool. "I've got my pants done. Can I leave now?"

"Not yet, you have to get your jacket fitted too."

"What the hell for!"

"It's called an outfit, Hiei, everything has to match."

"Wait a minute… why are these pants light blue?"

"That's the color of the outfit, of course! And it isn't light blue, its powder blue."

"Oh no, you're not going to-"

"Too late they're already paid for."

"Why you-!" the backpack let out another rip of energy from its place on a chair in the waiting area. The woman waiting in the chair next to it jumped and scooted farther away.

"Happy thoughts, Hiei! Happy thoughts!"

With a great deal of self-restraint, the yokai unclenched his fist, letting his hand bleed freely after having nails dig into his own flesh. "Happy thoughts…" he muttered, "Happy…_happy_ thoughts!" he spat and stomped back to the stool, shaking the entire store with each step.

Weeeh! I wish I had a pet rabbit. I don't know why I brought that up, but I do. My sign language teacher is taking care of a rabbit for a friend and he lives in the classroom. He's got floppy ears and his name is Domino! He lollops around the room when my teacher lets him down and he is sooo friendly. I want a bunny…;-;


	5. The Punch Incident

Thanks to Tensi-Notia, and BlackwolfJaganshiLover. Heh heh, oh I'll make'em fall into the punch all right…Also, there is a small OC in this chapter, she does not play an important role, not does she exist in any other chapters (unless I feel like it.), but I felt like sticking something there.

Chapter 5

The Punch-Incident

"Happy thoughts…." A paper airplane flew through the hair and stuck in the Janganshi's spiky hair.

"…_Happy_ thoughts…" he snarled, plucking the paper from his hair and tactfully reducing it to ash. A freshman girl ran past him, squealing and shoved him against the wall as a junior male chased after her, "C'mon baby, just one little kiss!"

"…Happy…happy… happy…" Hiei's eye twitched out of control. He had been standing in an area near a corner, seeing as how he was not the only person who did not dance and resided on the sidelines. Kurama- damn him- was one of the judges in a contest; something stupid like throwing bean bags through a hole, or bobbing for apples. The kitsune was surround by a wall seven people thick of girls in shreds of spandex or leather that passed for clothing, and left little to the imagination. Two hung off either arm, digging their prosthetic nails into his emerald green Spanish jacket. 'Serves the prick right,'

If anyone at the dance recognized him, he would slake the earth in their blood; he had been bullied into wearing the powder blue pants the old man had tailored. They were somewhat unnoticeable compared to the top he had to wear; a button-up white shirt with long ruffles edged in dark blue running down the sleeves. A dark blue sash was wrapped around his waist, with a little length hanging off his hip where his katana should be. He did not give up his blade without a fight; Kurama had tricked him into thinking Yukina was right behind him and snatched it out of his hands, hiding it in the dimensional pocket kitsunes are prone to use.

"I'll get him back after this stupid egg hatches." He muttered to no one. The egg in question was skill fully hidden in the track the stage lights were mounted on. No one would be able to reach without a tall ladder except for the two yokai. A pair of towering seniors passed by him, "Nice outfit, shorty; who's your date, Chorro?" one of the idiots joked. Hiei made the universal hand gesture that meant 'screw you.' And as expected, the minds of some people are identical to that of a D-class yokai, they turned around and walked toward him. "You got somethin' you wanna say, peewee?" the blonde one said.

"Actions speak louder than words, you buffoon. I meant for you to jump off a building head-first." The yokai snapped back irritably.

"You wanna take this outside, ya' Cuban punk?" the dark-haired one asked, cracking his knuckles. Hiei rolled his eyes; "Sure, I've got nothing better to do than stand around, watching you baka ningens." Two minutes later, they were squared off, the three of them on the roof of the school over the gym; the skylights along the center of the roof showed the lights of the dance. 'If I don't fight, I can just move and they'll tire themselves out,' he thought. The blonde made the first move; he punched right at Hiei's face, stopping a centimeter in front of his nose, in an attempt to be intimidating. Hiei never flinched, "Is that all you plan to do? Fake it and try to scare me?" Hiei scoffed.

The brunette charged him and threw a real punch, which Hiei easily evaded by stepping backwards. The teens swung their fists with the accuracy of a dyslexic giraffe. (That made no sense…) Hiei kept stepping back and back and back, until he was teetering on the edge of the roof. 'Oops.' The ningens gave a laugh of triumph and shoved him. Hiei jumped out of their way at the last second, making them sway over the edge, flailing their arms for balance.

'Well, I guess I should save them,' he sighed and grabbed their jackets, hauling them back. They turned and latched onto his frilly sleeves, throwing him off balance. Hiei turned around, swinging the teens, and lost his grip on their jackets. They ended up ripping his sleeves off as they crashed through the windows in the roof. With a measure of satisfaction, he watched them plummet to the ground, one landed in the tub of punch on the way down, the other went butt-first into the garbage. The blonde drenched in red Kool-aid to the marrow. When he tried to get up, he found the punch bowl stuck to his butt, just like the boy in the garbage can. They crawled away like turtles with their burdens of juice and stinky leftover cafeteria-food. The laughter was deafening.

Hiei dusted his hands, smirking to himself. "Heh, Jerks." A girl cleared her throat, making him whirl around. She stood on one leg with her hand on her hip and a small smile. She was a Goth-girl, dressed in a black dress that hung off one shoulder with a shredded hem, a black, lacy scarf, silver jewelry, fishnet stockings and closed-toe heels. Her eyes were a piercing blue, and her hair was short and brushed over the left side of her face, and dyed black with threads of red here and there. "Name's Alana; what's yours?"

"Hiei," he mumbled.

"Nice threads," she said, gesturing to his sleeveless shirt. He crossed his arms and 'hned' in her general direction. She walked up to him, clicking her heels on the concrete, "Seriously, that looks better than those dorky sleeves. Who dressed you, Ricky Ricardo?" the white shirt did look more attractive without the frills, and the first few buttons had come loose, exposing his chiseled chest.

Hiei glared menacingly at her. "If you're strong, why didn't you fight back? Or are those muscles inflatable?" she quipped.

"I'm on probation, now go away before I hurt you," he snarled. She waved her hands, "Hey, I know how tough that is; I can tell you a little trick for when you feel like you're gonna do somethin you regret."

'Damn ningen onna, she won't go away, so she'll stay and jabber my ear off.'

"Find something you like to do; something you're really good at, then, rub it in their faces if they try to start crap with you."

"I will break your head open if you don't leave me the fudge alone, onna; last chance." he gritted out.

"Oh, yeah? Oh, _yeah! _Ya' wanna take it to the dance floo' punk? You ain't got skills, you ain't got nothin'! Check this!" she kicked off her heels and started to six step, finishing with a freeze scorpion; the six-step being a quick number of foot movements in a circle around her center of gravity while her hands were on the ground beneath her, and the freeze scorpion was the advanced form of the freeze turtle; she supported her body on one hand instead of two and held the back of her dress like she was being held in midair.

Hiei raised his eyebrows at the feat of upper-body strength and speed. "See? Just like that, and then who ever is bugging you will step off!" she said, replacing her shoes.

'Maybe humans were not all idiots.'

Music could be heard from the broken sky window; Alana grabbed his hands and brought him a little to close. "Let me show you, handsome." Alana purred with a misty look in her eyes.

'Scratch that, all of them are complete morons.'

"Sorry, I don't dance," he said tartly and tried to shove her away. Her black-painted nails cut into his bare arms; she was not letting her man get away… again.

"Please!" she begged, her voice becoming shrill, "Just one little dance! I'll let you hold my hand…" Alana batted her blackened eyelashes at him. Hiei pried at her fingers, "Damn it onna, I …said- waaah!"

Alana whirled him around with surprising strength. "Once around the dance floor it is! Lets tango!" Hiei was flung up against an air conditioning unit, and swirled a different direction, crashing into what ever was in the way. Alana giggled with a deranged look in her eyes, "From now on, Hiei darling, this will be _our_ song!"

The fire yokai struggled to break free of her grip just as she spun along the corner of the building near the connecting power lines. Hiei broke free and landed on the horizontal wires attached to a telephone pole and the school building. With a blinding flash of light, and several blasts of electricity, Hiei fell two stories into the manicured bushes. The pylons to the adjacent power lines exploded and the power went out all over the city. When the lights to the school went out, the confused teens poured out of the gym and fled in confusion.

Kurama, who had missed where Hiei was, followed the smell of smoke to the smoldering body in the bushes. "Hiei! Are you all right? What happened to you?" the Koorime was motionless as well as speechless. His hair stood out straight at all angles like an Afro; his skin was scorched, ironically enough for a fir yokai, and his eyes were wide as saucers. Kurama slapped his face, "Hiei, say something!" Hiei's eyes flitted over to Kurama's face.

"Ow." He said bluntly.

Kurama looked down at Hiei's torn sleeves, "HIEI, I PAID FOR THAT SHIRT!"


	6. Officer Dan

Chapter 6

"HIEI, I PAID FOR THAT SHIRT!" Kurama screamed.

"Eh, I'll pay you back," he said shakily, standing up, "right after I chip off the dead skin…" he limped back into the gym to retrieve his spirit egg. Kurama spared him having to jump so high on shaky legs, so he retrieved the backpack from the track lighting and Hiei waited on the stage. The two were making their way to the door, treading over discarded streamers and paper cups, when a man in a police uniform cut them off at the door. "Hold it right there boys, I have a few questions for you." The officer said, holding up his hand. He was a stocky man with a round face and a push-broom mustache. His badge read 'officer Dan'. (No particular reason I chose that name.)

"Is there a problem, officer?" Kurama said warily, handing the backpack to Hiei.

"A city-wide black-out, and two lone teenagers in an abandoned school gym. Tell me that isn't fishy. Where were you two twenty minutes ago?" he snapped, fishing his little police person note-pad thingy from his pocket. Kurama wondered what exactly the pads were ever used for; was it to write tickets or keeps notes, or just to doodle on when interrogating random suspects…?

A snapping hand waved in front of his face. "Son, answer me now; where were you twenty minutes ago?"

"Judging a contest here in the gym before the blackout." Kurama held up the nametag that said 'judge' as evidence.

"What about the little guy?" officer Dan turned his attention to Hiei, who had been up to this point, jerking spasmodically due to the electric shock. Hiei glared at his and 'hned' for being called little.

"I was on the roof."

"Doing what?"

"I-"

"Illegal drugs! Just as I thought! You're comin' down town punk!" he snapped a pair of handcuffs onto Hies's wrists and dragged him away. Being weakened, Hiei could not resist. "Wait! Aren't you going to read him his rights or something!" Kurama chased after them. A second pair of handcuffs closed on the redhead's wrists. "Interfering with the line of duty! You and your friend are going to the slammer together, son!"

"I'm… arrested? But… my mother with have a conniption!"

"Tell it to the judge!" officer Dan shoved them into the back of his police car and drove away.

Twenty minutes later… 

Kurama fumed in his green suit, handcuffed next to Hiei in a dark room with a light shining right in his face. Officer Dan set his baton and pepper-spray on the table, and took a seat opposite them. Hiei was about ready to puke; the crazed officer drove like he was a dyslexic giraffe, and the fire yokai was apparently, prone to motion sickness. "Where is the rebel base! Talk!" the officer yelled, slamming his fist on the table.

"What rebel base? What have we even been arrested for?"

"I'll ask the questions here. We have ways of making you talk…" he let the sentence hang and leaned in Kurama's face.

"…"

"Silent type huh? I think I know just what to do with you," officer Dan stepped out of the room and came back in with a roll of duct tape, a staple gun, a circular rack mounted to a rotating stand, several knives, a can of lighter fluid, a record player, a copy of 'Yani's greatest hits,' a barf bag- "The little guy's looking a little green around the gills."- A box of jelly donuts and a feather duster.

Kurama's hands were duct taped together, and then he was, stapled by his clothes, to the rotating rack; Hiei was given the barf bag, and officer Dan played the record of 'Yani's greatest hits.' "Where is the code module! Your people can't hide forever!" he screamed.

"What are you talking about!" Kurama screamed back. Officer Dan gave the rack a shove and it began to spin; he dipped the knives in lighter fluid, set them on fire, and hurled them haphazardly at him. "Talk, darn you hippie!"

"Hiei! Don't just stand there! Do something!" the kitsune yelled. Hiei stood up, "You're right!" he said; he grabbed the barf bag, sat back down, and threw up; staring at the spinning redhead was making him feel even more sick.

"What's the password to the secret program!" The wheel stopped spinning, and the maniacal policeman continued to ask insane questions while using Kurama for target practice. A knife landed next to the kitsune's head, cutting a lock of his hair off. "That does it…I'LL NEVER TELL YOU ANYTHING! Never!" he screamed defiantly.

Officer Dan stopped the record, a grim look on his face. "I hoped it wouldn't come to this…" he said and walked toward Kurama, hanging upside down on the rack. He picked up the feather duster, pulled off the teen's socks and shoes, and began to tickle his feet. "Aaaah! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha- STOP! STOP!"

"Where is the antidote? I can do this all night if I have to!" The door to the interrogation room opened and in stepped--!

Cliffies! Yes, Officer Dan is a fruit loop that's gone off his rocker. Why is Kurama the only one being punished? Hiei's been electrocuted, duh! No I'm not done torturing them yet.


	7. You're All Crazy!

Chapter 7 You're All Crazy!

The door to the interrogation room opened and in stepped two men with long white coats and another two policemen. "Hold it right there!" they said, pointing their guns at officer Dan. The men in white coats tackled them crazed officer to the ground and put a straightjacket on him. "Officers Maloy and Jones," they introduced themselves, releasing Kurama and turning off the record player, "this man is an escaped maniac from an asylum. He dresses up like a cop and tries to pass as an officer; we've been searching for him for three weeks. You're free to go boys."

"Oh, thank heavens!" Kurama said, shaking. He and Hiei were about to walk out the door when officer Maloy stopped them again. "Just one question, what's in the bag, son?"

"Er…oh my gosh! The crazy guy has escaped again!" Kurama pointed and ran as the officers turned around. It was past midnight before they came home to the Minamino residence. They collapsed on the living room floor and fell asleep.

The next morning, they woke up to the shriek of Shiori Minamino. They both sprang up, instinctively taking a fighting stance. "Suichi! Hiei! What on earth happened to you?" she screamed. She was referring to the chunk of hair missing from the left side of Kurama's head, the duct tape still stuck to his clothes, the burns still covering Hiei's skin, and his ripped shirt sleeves.

"Mother! We…" Kurama paused, searching for a believable excuse as to why they were in shambles.

"-Got into a fight!" Hiei finished, having recovered from his electricity-induced twitching. "Kur- I mean- Suichi disagreed with me in a discussion-"

"And I set him on fire, and he cut a chunk out of my hair, the end." Kurama ended lamely.

"You set him on fire?" Shiori raised an eyebrow. They nodded feverishly. She turned and slowly walked into the kitchen; the two yokai had let out a huge breath, only to gasp again when Shiori burst back into the room armed with a broom. "SUICHI MINAMINO, ARE YOU TELLING ME A FALSEHOOD!" she yelled, pointing her broomstick at the accused boy. The redhead trembled under his mother's blazing glare.

"Ye- uh…yes ma'am," he hung his head shamefully. "I think its time I told you the truth, all of it." Kurama made Shiori sit down and Hiei sat on the couch beside her while Kurama took the floor. He explained who he was, what he was, his past life and his role as a detective for the underworld.

She sat quietly for a moment after he had finished and then…

"Well that explains a lot! So this means you have been sneaking out at night! Suichi!" she chided.

"It's not like it affects his grades! Somebody has to protect the world from evil!" Hiei said, trying to support him. Shiori wrung the broom handle, biting her lip.

"I suppose that's true, but why didn't ever tell me before?"

Kurama stared at the floor; "I thought you wouldn't love me anymore…" Shiori's eyes filled with tears; she dropped the broom and flung her arms around her son, "I would always love you, Suichi, you are my son!" Kurama beamed happily. "Is Hiei a yokai too?" she asked; the yokai in question nodded.

"Well mother, now that we have that out of the way, we really have to-"

A series of knocks sounded on the front door. "Open up! Police!" a voice boomed from the other side. Shiori raised an eyebrow, "You're being chased by the authorities?"

"Hiei, follow me!" Kurama said, bolting up the stairs, "Mother, please stall them for a few minutes." Shiori nodded slowly, wondering why her son was on the run from the cops. She opened the door and recited the old line, "Is there a problem, officer?"

"Ma'am, my name is officer Jones, this is my partner, officer Maloy," the two police men at the door said. "We have tracked two boys to this house after they left the police station-"

"My son was arrested!"

"By a deranged lunatic; and they were released with no charges, but when we asked about the contents of a bag they carried with them, they ran. It's illegal to run from the police; we just want to have a look around and make sure they aren't into anything and get into trouble."

"Er… do you have a search warrant?" She stumbled through her speech, buying time.

"Yes we do, its right- wait, I left it in the car. One moment, ma'am." Officer Malloy walked back to the parked police car to retrieve the warrant. Shiori pretended to straighten her hair and stole a glance over her shoulder. Kurama poked his head around the corner and nodded to her. He and Hiei walked back into the living room, properly dressed and cleaned up.

The officers entered the house, "Boys, why did yo run away last night?" Maloy asked.

"Well," Kurama began, "it was pretty late, and my mother would have been worried sick if we didn't return soon."

Maloy nodded, "Mind if we have a look around your room, son?"

"Not at all, officers, right this way." Kurama gave an innocent smile and led the way upstairs to his bedroom. The police men poked around his books and closet, surprised to find everything to neat and clean. They continued to the guest room and located the backpack in question. Inside it was the spirit egg with an anime smile drawn on it with a white marker. "What is this, exactly?" officer Jones asked, pointing to the egg.

"it's a paper-maché egg, sir," Hiei answered, "its for a family-studies class. I carry it with me every where."

"Hm, well, thanks for your time boys; we'll be going now." Jones said and exited the house, followed by his partner. Shiori entered the room and stared at the egg, "That looks too real to be paper-maché." She said.

"Truthfully, it's a spirit beast feeding off of my emotions, it may or may not turn into a monster and devour me, body and soul." Hiei said, rubbing the marker off of the now ebony egg shell. Shiori blinked again and shook her head, "I need some more coffee."

Eh, that was kind of crappy…ookay, really crappy. Will try to make a better update soon.


	8. Manners

Onna of fire and pain: that's the sweetest, most threatening thing I've ever heard! Thank you!

Chapter 8

Manners

"Well, let us continue with or original quest!" Kurama said briskly, marching out of the house.

"You can't possibly mean that! After the past twenty four hours, you want more trouble!" Hiei nearly shrieked.

"I'm surprised that you are in disagreement."

"Hm, could that be because we almost got killed once each?"

"And you could get killed again, Hiei. A death from which there is no comfort of the after-life." The redhead finished soberly. Silenced for the time being with gloomy thoughts, he followed the kitsune back to the park.

"I believe we should belate any lessons on companionship, in light of recent events. Today, we shall over look things that anger you, and try to solve any problems."

"You don't mean-"

"Quite so!" Kurama grinned, "Cute things!"

"NOOO!" he wailed.

"Your enthusiasm is overwhelming," Kurama added dryly, "Now, observe those robins over there," he pointed to a small group of brown, little birds. The plump little creatures hopped mechanically over the grass, prodding the ground with their short beaks every few seconds, only to twitch their heads in another direction and repeat the process all over again. "Aren't they precious?" he smiled, knitting his fingers together and resting his head on them like a school girl.

"I don't know which is more sickening, them, or you."

"Oh come now! Well, you're right; I didn't have to do that… but still, they are somewhat endearing."

"Worthless little balls of feathers if you ask me."

"They only seeem worthless because they are of no value to you personally. However, to their nestlings, they are the whole world. Those little birds are mothers and fathers, who care for thier young with love, to prepare them to be mothers and fathers in the future."

"But, you can't eat them, or anything." Hiei said stubbornly.

"True, at least if you aren't a cat. They have an intangible value; bird-watchers, for example, watch them and appreciate them as nature's own works of art. And some appreciate the songs of the birds. They are also part of a complex web of survival in the wild."

"Hn, I don't like birds. They're creepy with those dark, beady eyes, like the fool."

"Hiei! That wasn't very nice at all!"

"So? He's not here! What is it the humans say, 'what he doesn't know won't hurt him'?" Kurama's eyes became huge and watery, "Hiei," he whispered happily, "You're… making progress!" swelling with pride as a teacher, he dragged the stunned Koorime away. 'What the hell was _that_!' Hiei thought.

"Next, watch closely; see those women there?" he pointed across the park to a smal group of women with their children.

"Hn, annoying brats."

"Only because they don't know any better, Hiei." Kurama said, continuing his trek. "Like any other creature, they must learn from their parents how to care for themselves. When occasion falls that they are unable to help themselves, they seek the assistance of a more experianced person; sometimes, though, in an unacceptable fashion, such as a tantrum, that requires discipline in order to teach the child there is a more constructive way to obtain what he or she desires."

Hiei scribbled away on a notepad he had stored in his coat pocket, "I never thought whinning and screaming at one's parents was so technical. I think I understand human children, now."

"Really!" Kurama said hopefully, making the scary-watery-eyes face.

"Don' t do that! It's scary!" Hiei said, stepping away from him. Recollecting himself, Kurama cleared his throat, and walked on. "How about I teach you some etiquette, Hiei, so that you too may obtain what you want without a struggle?"

"I don't struggle with getting what I want, I just take it." He snapped tartly.

"Stealing is part of the reason you have that egg, is it not? You must learn to over come your brash instincts and play fair."

"Wag your finger at me again, and I'll bite it off." He snarled darkly.

"Sorry, got carried away again."

A man driving an ice cream wagon stopped to rest under the shade pf a tree, and hopefully attract a few customers. He saw a short boy in a black cape andoddly-shaped black hair approach him. "Hello young man, can I interest you in some ice cream?" the vender said cheerfully. Wincing in slight disgust, the boy crossed his arms.

"Who are you to hold the precious sweet snow over me like a taunting jester!" he snarled. The vender kept smiling; a voice called the boy away behind a tree. A few seconds later, the boy ran back up to the vender, "I mean, yes, I want some sweet snow."

"What flavor would you like? Chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, cookies-n-cream, or rocky-road?"

"Hm," he thought, examining the amount of money that was in his hand. "One rocky-road, and one cookies-n-cream." He looked back to the tree, from which a redhead made a forward gesture, "please."

"One rocky-road, and one cookies-n-cream," the vendor said as he prepared the cones. "That comes to a total of $4.50."

"Or I could spare your life and we'll call it even." He quipped.

The vender just smiled. The boy was called back to the tree again, and when he returned, he handed the man he money and received the cones with no trouble. He started to walk away, when the person behind the tree made a gesture to the boy. The black-clad boy turned back to the vender, managing to mumble, "Thank you."

"You're welcome! Have a nice day!"

"Well, kitsune?" Hiei said, handing Kurama his share of the bounty. Kurama smiled as he took his cookies-n-cream. "I give you points for effort, Hiei. You did just fine."


	9. Changing

Chapter 9

Changing

The Minamino residence was silent in the dead of night. All but one of the residences was asleep. Hiei, who had practically been adopted by the loving Shiori and lived in the guest room, sat bolt upright on his bed. He had taken off his cloak and even his boots, leaving only his blue shirt, pants, and the always-present ward on his right arm. The blackened egg rested against his pillow, across from him, as he probed the contents with his Jagan eye. The shell had been somewhat difficult to penetrate, and now he sifted through the contents with his mind. He found no living thing as of yet, only possessing the egg for a total of four days now, except for a malleable mass of energy; whether or not that was a good thing, he wasn't sure.

"Hiei?" a sleepy voice yawned, he jumped up to stand on the bed in a fighting stance. His heart leapt into his throat when he saw a bleary-eyed Shiori standing in his doorway. "What are you doing up so late?" she mumbled sleepily.

Hiei plopped gracelessly on his bed, pulling his bangs over his exposed Jagan; as far as she was concerned, she had hallucinated the previous day. "Nothing, …Minamino-san. Just thinking."

"What is keeping you up? You're usually asleep when I check on you and Suichi."

'I sleep through a ningen walking around me! What kind of warrior have I become!' he thought to himself. "I'm…" 'Say it, you sissy!' "Worried."

"What about, dear?" Of course telling another person his troubles just to have some one comfort his worries was not something he would normally do, but Shiori was always kind to him, and he didn't think she deserved an insult and slamming the door in her face, not to mention the ball of energy that reflected his actions sitting close at hand, so he gave in.

"I'm being judged. And I don't know if I can do what's right, and in my best interest. I don't even know if I'm doing very well now. I fear failing this test, because the punishment is …unspeakable." He said, crossing his legs and folding his hands in his lap.

Shiori sat on the bed next to him, "You just have to follow your heart, Hiei. It knows what's right, and what's good for you."

'I don't have a heart, onna.' "I don't know how." He pouted stubbornly, crossing his arms.

"When you need it, you just have to listen."

"I'm… not sure I understand." He said, scratching the side of his head with one finger.

"It's not something that you really can understand; like a super-natural phenomenon, your heart is one of the things in the universe you can't explain with words. Like how I knew my son was special; just something…more that didn't make sense. I know in my heart that his differences are good and I can trust him, even when he disappears for hours and sometimes days on end. You should try and get some sleep, Hiei-kun, tomorrow is a school day." Shiori ruffled his hair and exited.

Hiei flopped backwards, resting his head next to the egg, "I hate you," he growled to the oblong orb, "I had enough trouble in my life without you. You know damn well I can't do this, so why don't you just hatch and eat me?" Unable to speak back to him, the black shell began to glow; tiny pinpoints of light appeared and formed a pattern swirling upward from the bottom of the egg. The light faded, and a tattoo of flames encircled the egg, mimicking the one who was burdened by it. Hiei sighed hopelessly and drifted into uneasy sleep.


	10. Deer Me

Chapter 10

Deer Me…

Hiei woke before dawn and left Kurama's house, shouldering the egg in the backpack. He headed for the park, where he normally lived. He had already learned all he could from Kurama, patience, and sought to be alone; if nothing bothered him, he would be free from the temptation of sin. If he were to be truly alone, he would have to be out of Ningenkai; perhaps he would go to Reikai, where it was more peaceful. His sister Yukina was also there; protecting her was always calming, as if her healing powers reached beyond her hands and surrounded her very aura.

He had left no message for Kurama, but the kitsune was used to few words from the youkai when he left. Kurama would think of something to tell Shiori. Passing into Reikai, he found himself in one of the many deep forest. A quick scan with his Jagan found no signs of intelligence that might distract him.

He climbed up a fir tree and chose a spot to regain sleep he had lost last night. A robin flitted by his branch and landed in a small nest a few trees across from him. Slowly, he allowed himself to smile; the small bird had brought food for its even smaller young, thoughtlessly and with love. Hn, at least he couldn't hear the little nestlings' squawking. He lived without interaction from any other person for seven days before it changed when he was napping in that same pine tree.

Hiei jumped at the sound of a yell; a low-classed youkai with a single horn leapt upon him with a sword. Hiei made a move to draw his katana, but reconsidered at the weight hanging from his shoulder in a bag. "Go away." Hiei said plainly. The other youkai laughed and attacked him again. "I will only leave when I have your head on a platter, Hiei!" the youkai said.

"I don't want to have to kill you, go away!" the Koorime said, gritting his teeth and jumping around the trees to dodge his attacks.

"Never! I've been searching for you for weeks, and I will have my prize!"

Hiei sighed and quickly beheaded the youkai. "At least I have given you a painless death." He said, wiping the blood off his sword. "There is honor in mercy, even though it is no strength." Hiei went about his day, wandering around to keep his speed sharp when he saw a small fawn in the middle of a field. Its spotted coat was well hidden in the dappled long grass. Hiei watched it for a while, when he realized that something was wrong.

The fawn was sickly thin, and constantly looking around for something. Hiei went past the fawn, trying to ignore it and clear his mind. He came across the hasty remains of a single camp. There was a rotting carcass sitting beside a sooty mound of ashes, a fire, and a small stretch of weathered leaves, possibly a makeshift bed. Hiei put the two pieces together: the youkai he had just slain was the murderer of the fawn's mother.

He groaned, "Baka oni!" he turned around and reentered the field where the fawn was wandering around. He approached the fawn, slowly so as not to frighten it into a run. "Your mother is dead, you know," he said to the animal. The fawn blinked back at him, not understanding speech. "I suppose I should give you a quick death too, then you won't have to starve for a few more weeks."

He drew his sword and leveled it at the fawn. Sensing danger, the knee-high creature charged forward and butted Hiei's shins with his head. Having no antlers and being very weak, the fawn fell over. Not even wavering from the young deer's futile attack, he sheathed his sword. "Still fiery? Maybe you can survive after all. No telling how old you are, or at what time your species has to be weaned away from milk, though." Hiei sat down and picked up the fawn, it struggled for a few seconds before giving up. "I suppose I haven't got anything better to do than take care of you."

He ripped up some grass from the ground and showed it to the fawn. "See this? Its good for you. Eat it." The fawn stared up at him pitifully; Hiei sighed, "For the love of…" he stuck a piece of the grass in his mouth, "See? I eat it; now eat it," he shoved a piece of grass in the fawns mouth. It let the grass hang out of his mouth, like Hiei. "Stupid deer, eat it!" it stared back at him. Checking to make sure no one was looking, he ate the piece of grass. It was bitter and scratchy, not at all good. "Eat it!" the fawn curiously munched on the grass, getting the hang of solid foods for the first time. He nudged Hiei's hand with his small velvety nose for more. "Hallelujah!" Hiei rolled his eyes and uncurled his hand so the fawn could get to the grass. "At least deer don't make noise."

Suddenly, he fell backwards with the fawn on his chest. The pack on his shoulder became extremely heavy for a moment. He opened the bag and took out the egg, holding it up against the sky; it was glossy like glass, and black as the night with a warning-red flame wrapped around it. "I guess I changed it significantly for it to have shifted around like that," he muttered to no one. The fawn sat on his chest and sniffed his face; "So what should I call you, then if I am to keep you?" the little creature began nosing around for more grass, perfectly comfortable with Hiei's presence now.

"Eh…I'll just call you Kaz, after the fool Kazuma; your skull is almost as hard as his."


End file.
